BURN THE SHIPS HOW TO

It’s primarily referring to the story of when Alexander The Great arrived on the shores of Persia, Many motivational speakers, leaders and life coaches have said it in recent years. Then he added, “and if you decide to move forward and work on your marriage, then burn the ships and don’t look back.ĭon’t give yourselves a way to turn back, make the decision on this day and move forward in conquering this thing and healing your marriage. If you decide to end it, then tell her.īut today’s the day for you to put that stake in the ground of decision.” Burn The Ships She can’t change the past, but you can both change the future. Don’t keep her hanging any longer with your indecision of staying in the marriage or ending it.

You make a decision of what you want to do. He said “Jim, it’s time you put a stake in the ground right here, right now. Then Ron said something that we never forgot. To not waver back and forth in indecision, keeping both of us, and our kids, in this uncertainty. Ron told Jim it’s time now to take the leadership role, and decide what he wants to do Instead of Ron looking at me in scorn over my past, he was looking to Jim to decide on our future.

BURN THE SHIPS HOW TO

I didn’t know how to move forward in healing with my husband that didn’t know if he wanted to stay married anymore.Īnd he didn’t know if he could stay married to a wife who had lied so many times that all trust in me was gone.Īfter explaining our situation, and then bracing myself for the shame that I knew would come… something happened. My affair fog was lifting, only to reveal the damage that I’d created in its place. I knew in my heart that I was done with the affair, but how could he know? But he couldn’t live like this, and I didn’t blame him. We were doubly hurt because of his emotional affair he’d also started a few months into mine,īecause of his own pain and vulnerability in wanting to feel better. He was undecided if he would stay with me, or if we should divorce, although he still loved me and didn’t want to divorce.

Jim explained he didn’t know if he could continue doing this anymore. We told Ron and Donna that we were trying to heal after my affair.īut the previous 11 months of my back and forth with the affair partner made his trust in me beyond zero. I wondered, why would this meeting be any different?īut I went with Jim to this couples house anyway, because we were desperate. I’m just thankful for the few who stood by us in prayer, and didn’t shame me.) (I don’t really blame anyone anymore for this, they each did only what they knew to do, and had the maturity to handle. What I did was horribly wrong, and shame had become my new unwelcome companion. And what could I say in my defense for their rejection? Why would they be any different? With the exception of 3 other people in our lives,Īll others had expressed their disgust and disappointment in me when they heard our story.Įven my pastor, and the recovery ministry leaders at our church, showed their judgment and scorn We briefly explained the terrible mess of our broken marriage, and with my head hung low, I fully expected to be scorned and shamed. Now all a plaque would say is “we’re in this mess, all because Debbie made the biggest mistake of her life and had an affair.”Īfter the small talk, we made our way to the living room. I remember thinking, “we could have had that plaque on our wall any of the prior 19 years before this, but now…could that ever be true again?” With this saying: “ All because two people fell in love.” I was struck by the words on a plaque hanging up next to their family photo, One group photo was this couple with their adult sons, daughters, and grandchildren, all gathered around smiling for the camera. We hadn’t even met them before that night,īut our friends told them how dire our situation was, and they thought if they spoke to us, it would help.Īfter we entered their house, we made small talk about the beautiful family pictures on the wall. This elder from our church, and his wife, heard our story and invited us over. We sat in this older couples living room, on one of the darkest nights of our marriage. It was 13 years ago, but it might as well have been yesterday, I remember it so well. Making the decision to burn the ships in your marriage after infidelity.

Burn the ships